you promised me you wouldn't. do you remember those car rides? there were two of them. the first one was when we were driving home from fred meyers to the tree house. we were behind a school bus and i missed the turn (like i always did). you told me about him, you grew up with him, and then you lost him. i was young and i didn't know much about anything but i made you promise me you would never do that. the second one was in the parking lot of fred meyers a year and a half later. all i could say was "i remember you told me about him" and you promised me you wouldn't do it.
i'm not going to say you're the reason i don't trust anyone who holds promises: there's plenty better candidates for that. no. not you. hardly. we got along so well, we just didn't work. it's funny because i do the same damn thing now that i used to accuse you of doing. i fall off the face of the planet when i'm batshit terrified of the world. it's exhausting isn't it?
we had a lot in common.
we love her.
you see what i did there? you were always good at picking up on my subtleties because i dropped them so infrequently and deliberately. but you see what i did with that? that statement is intentionally remaining in the present.
the action of loving from both of us continues.
i don't know if talking to a ghost makes me batshit crazy, but i don't think there's any way to deal with this. i hardly knew you as well as she did and this is fucking tearing me up. i can't imagine how she's doing. i'm not writing this to push any blame on you, i'm just saying. i can't imagine. i guess i don't know where any of the three of us are with this, hardly either of you.
you know the funny thing? you're still alive with the glory of love.
love preserves everything.
this is not the end...
-me
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