i'm at my high school prom with this guy i was crazy about when i was 14...15....16..... and every night it takes place in a castle or a large, large house... think harry potter or beauty and the beast but no fun. every night i run up and down the hallways looking for someone, dragging my prom date around trying to convince him that something really really bad is going to happen, but never able to tell him what because i don't know. one night i walked into a room with no floor or ceiling or walls or anything, just pitch black... nothingness. another night i walked outside to a flogging molly concert underwater, and i couldn't breathe and there was no way to get out of the water so i was drowning. one time everything just froze and i couldn't move or breathe or talk.
the same "outline" of events always happen: going to prom with so-and-so, getting lost in a large house franticly looking to stop something "bad" that i can't predict, walking into an area where i lose all of my senses... but after what seems like forever i always manage to get out of the third "leg" of my dream when i discover what the awful thing is that is about to happen: everyone is being murdered.
at this point i rush backwards through all the events of my dream that had happened that night. if before you die your entire life flashes before you, this is similar but backwards... does that make sense? things stop racing backwards when i get back toward the beginning of my dream when i just arrive a "prom". it's horribly morbid: i walk into the room where prom is taking place to find people across the ground, and i'm never sure if they're all actually dead or just passed out, but the other guests keep dancing and having a good time like nothing's gone wrong. sometimes the people on the floor are missing limbs or their innards, sometimes they're not. sometimes i'm certain a handful are dead, other times i'm watching from a distance and can't really be certain (my eyesight it poor both in real life and in my dream world). i'm never after who or what has caused this to happen; the dream always ends with my looking over all the people wondering what the hell is going on.
at this point i wake myself up either crying or trying to yell or whimpering.
these dreams are terrifying, not only because of all the obviously morbid events, but because they're different from what my "normal" dreams consist of. usually at night i dream i'm running away from someone or something, and sometimes it's a fantastic adventures, sometimes it's flat out boring, sometimes it's a nightmare, sometimes it's just trying to avoid running into an ex on the street. the thing is... i always know what i'm running from and that i'm running from something... hardly ever am i entirely unaware of what IT is, much less am i ever running toward something.
dreams are odd.
last night prom was in russia on top of some sort of eiffel tower structure.
it was a nice change of scenery at least.
Many people have similar dreams where the theme is similar and yet the details vary.It could mean a whole lot of different things,but in essence it is more so about an attempt to re-do a moment.There are turning points in life we consciously know about and then there are subtle ones completely sub-conscious to us.I'm not sure it has to do with "running" at all.Then again only you can be the ultimate judge of that.
ReplyDeleteThe value is in the seeking of such things.
Go get em'!
Ah. I've wasted so much of my time wishing I could have re-done any thing and everything just so I could have everything be perfect. I'm at this frightening and exciting point in my life where I'm discovering that I can, in fact, be completely satisfied with everything being less than perfect... since... what does it mean to be perfect anyhow? Taking what you've said and reflecting it here, I've realized I am the ultimate judge of what is perfect for me.
ReplyDeleteIt's an odd feeling:
Liberating.
Frightening.
Perhaps this is what's manifesting itself in my dreams, this shift of understanding. Who knows. What I can say is I'd been terrified of going to sleep these last few nights just so I wouldn't have to encounter all these awful dreams... but now that I see it all from this context, everything is seeming alright.
Even still, dreams are odd.