shows

slummed around tacoma this weekend going to shows at the peabody waldorf in tacoma. part of it felt like high school: slipping out late just to be as close to the music as you can so you can't hear anything and forget about everything else in the world that could ever matter. the pictures are worth nothing... somewhere between my drive and the night ending i stopped caring about how the pictures would turn out, and just took them to keep the time standing... but the music was amazing, the company was excellent... it felt like stealing old nights in sumner for a while. it felt like everything and nothing.

birds & batteries played an excellent set. it was all the sort of music to make you forget everything just to move:

and, oh lord, goldfinch holds a place in my heart that will never die. they're the sort of band i know i love, but fall for more and more every time i see them live.

saturday night, summed up in a photo:

a blur of everything. crappy photos, lovely music, good company. it's been one of those weekends that made me forget all the shit going on because the music's been so damn good. elk and boar played the sort of music that reminded me it's not the first time a heart's been broken and there are better and worse things to come... and maybe even a hint that we're not all alone in this mess.

the last band to play last night was too lovely for words.... all of them were, but big sur especially.

i was so caught up in listening i couldn't think of anything but the lovely, moody songs to match all the empty hearts washed up and standing still in tacoma that night.

love.

take me there

it was a long night of everything at once.

the greatest christmas party we'd ever had kept happening, and then just as suddenly (though not soon at all, for it had had a good eight hour run), everything began to slow down but it never really stopped.

he woke up a few hours later in a panic, and i wasn't really sure if i'd ever really fallen asleep to begin with. she'd just fallen asleep, and was far enough away from me that i wasn't sure what to do.

you know.... how you can always think a little clearer when your best friend's closer to you.

he told me he'd had a nightmare of the world ending and buildings burning, and all the three months of talking about philosophy had me wondering if i had anything to do with it. how hypersensitive are we, anyway? where'd our senses go? was i just over-thinking everything? i was too tired to continue wondering if anything meant anything at all, and i still wasn't sure if i had fallen asleep anyway, so i did what any good friend would do and i patted his forehead and told him it was going to be okay.

and then i wished she was awake, too, so that maybe she could pat my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay as well. but she was asleep, and the night always brings more fears and doubts than it ought to.

and then i thought of all the places i wanted to go.

not just the following day, not even in a few weeks.

all of a sudden i wanted to stand up and run and go to all the places i'd captured in my heart, but then i wondered if i even had one at all, or maybe if i'd given it away one too many times and was left with absolutely nothing.

do i have to build myself a new heart?

i was thinking too much.

maybe i still am.

all i knew was that i wanted to run somewhere right the hell then. i sat up and saw the moonlight peeking through the blinds: all the city was asleep.

maybe the city won't take me back, but everywhere else will welcome me: