i promise i will return.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
sidewalk chalk.
"....and she doesn't understand that it's for her safety, but she's young and she's in love i guess.... how in love can you be when you're fifteen, though, you know..?" i'd been rambling about the kids all day. the teens. they aren't much younger than me i guess, but i'll look out for them anyway.
"i don't know how you can invest in them so much," he said as he took a drag from the last cigarette he rolled. we'd been rolling cigarettes all summer, and we were sitting on a ledge watching the cars cruise down broadway.
"huh?" i knew exactly what he meant, but i gave up giving people the benefit of the doubt, assuming i knew what they meant... i hang out with him enough that i guessed far enough what he meant, but he's young too.
"i mean, i don't know how you can invest so much time in them, i mean i'm interested in them if you're interested in them, i just can't follow it all because i don't know them i guess."
i reached out for his cigarette and took a drag or two, holding back every part of me that just wanted to give up and say "you know what, you're just really fucking young, and if you're not careful, the city's gonna eat you up." but patience has been my biggest struggle, my biggest virtue, my vice, my goddamned nightmare, and i didn't really think that was true anyway. sometimes it's just a big struggle to put into words everything i'm thinking, so it feels easier to just give up and give in... but what's easier is never the best thing to do.
i wouldn't have meant it anyhow.
see,
it's not an investment when you spend your free time with them...especially if it's just to tell them they're doing ok. i guess anyone can do that. i don't get anything back, i just think it's really important. it's not an investment when you hear who's dating who and who's dressing how, because god dammit i've been in all these teens shoes before and i know what they're gonna do next if they're careful and if they're not and.... it's not an investment.... you can't keep people like you keep money or murals or photographs. it's not an investment, it's life... but how do you explain that to someone who's never said out loud that that though has crossed their mind?
patience.
it took years to see the bigger picture, it's too much effort to get frustrated with things you can't control i guess.
"i don't know how you can invest in them so much," he said as he took a drag from the last cigarette he rolled. we'd been rolling cigarettes all summer, and we were sitting on a ledge watching the cars cruise down broadway.
"huh?" i knew exactly what he meant, but i gave up giving people the benefit of the doubt, assuming i knew what they meant... i hang out with him enough that i guessed far enough what he meant, but he's young too.
"i mean, i don't know how you can invest so much time in them, i mean i'm interested in them if you're interested in them, i just can't follow it all because i don't know them i guess."
i reached out for his cigarette and took a drag or two, holding back every part of me that just wanted to give up and say "you know what, you're just really fucking young, and if you're not careful, the city's gonna eat you up." but patience has been my biggest struggle, my biggest virtue, my vice, my goddamned nightmare, and i didn't really think that was true anyway. sometimes it's just a big struggle to put into words everything i'm thinking, so it feels easier to just give up and give in... but what's easier is never the best thing to do.
i wouldn't have meant it anyhow.
see,
it's not an investment when you spend your free time with them...especially if it's just to tell them they're doing ok. i guess anyone can do that. i don't get anything back, i just think it's really important. it's not an investment when you hear who's dating who and who's dressing how, because god dammit i've been in all these teens shoes before and i know what they're gonna do next if they're careful and if they're not and.... it's not an investment.... you can't keep people like you keep money or murals or photographs. it's not an investment, it's life... but how do you explain that to someone who's never said out loud that that though has crossed their mind?
patience.
it took years to see the bigger picture, it's too much effort to get frustrated with things you can't control i guess.
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