blast from the past

i found this on my old myspace blog from the glory day of july 10th, 2008.

i can only name one of the two people i wrote about, but it was most likely appropriately titled:

eyesights and earshots away
...and it's like i see you everywhere. it has been months since i've thought about you, years since i can think of the last time i saw you in person... longer still since i can put my finger down on when we spoke face to face. growing up is tragic. getting older seems like hell sometimes. i don't think i could ever wish being sixteen or eighteen or even fourteen on anyone, though. not once, much less twice through. growing up is enough as it is.
[[in another time, on anothe day, about another person... let's talk about reliving the past for a second when you run into someone you haven't seen in five years. let's talk about how easy it is to pick up right where you left off. let's talk about how the rolls seem to reverse, how we are exactly the same, and how we are completely different. time makes growing up worse... or maybe it makes it better, i don't really know.]]
...but i see you everywhere: places i can conciously tell myself i'll never see you. why does my mind slip into the past and let me think i'm seeing a ghost? i don't think ghost hunters are crazy, not when it comes to things like this... people and places that are real and dead all at once.
maybe it's the running- we can both admit openly that i was never really good at that. i think i thought i remembered being good once... those days are far too far away, though. i'm talking about now. and maybe itisthe running. i've been spending an awful lot of time lately running away from the past i created- the times i thought i would live forever for: the glory nights and the drunken nights and the nights sitting in fear wondering if we'd make it out alive... days stretching through monday and wednesday, pulling out our hair and screaming to the clouds.
i'll just keep running till i don't see it anymore... but that's the problem. it's like i see you everywhere i go. i run to places i swear i'll never be found: old jobs and jumpers, schools and shortcuts, churches and prisons alike. they all look the same and paint the same grey when you're looking for somewhere to blend you in from the black and white... but i'll still look up and catch my breath when i swear i see you. i see you all over the place. i see you in people i know you'll never be, around places i know you'll never go. something about you drags itself out of my memories and makes me try to drag you out of other people- people you've never met... people i've never seen. sometimes it turns into a game, other times i'm just running in a verbal direction. all i want to do is get away.

the trick is how i don't want you to win. i don't know how i can win. i just want out.


what the hell? it's like things just get more intense as i get older, because i was just thinking about how my past was catching up with me... i don't even remember writing this, and i had to sit and read it and re-read it until i could barely remember who it was i was running from, exactly.
and now i've been spending the last week pondering the coincidence of running into people from my past i swore up and down i'd never see again. people i used to have nightmares i'd run into again.... until i just let it all go... ya know? like when you finally hit that point where you just don't give a damn what people think of you, or what they thought of you when you were making all those stupid mistakes....
but i've been running into those people from my past a lot lately, and it's not like it's good or bad,
it's just so damn surreal.

and for some reason, 7/10/08 can't put it any better.
maybe this is how people became prophets in the 8th century.