carly

"you knew her, too?" he asked from across the table. i wasn't even sure why i was down in the sodo district that night. nothing called me to be there anymore. my life at corporate starbucks was over. nothing about a maze of dark alleyways screams 'safe', especially after the sun goes down. i didn't know her, but teens who end their lives always hits home. he knew that, or at least i thought he did.
"no. i heard her music, though." that was actually the truth. i'd never stopped being a seattle local music junkie, and i remember hearing her inside my head for weeks after i came across her music. i remember thinking if i had an ounce of her talent i would do something with my life. "did you?" i asked. he'd finished his water and had crinkled his paper cone up between his fingers.
"yeah, a guy i work with was friends with her, and he brought her in a few times. we had a lot of music in common." we had a lot of music in common. something always pulls at my heart when it comes to the kind of music he listens to. i listened to. i still listen to, i guess, but i pretend i'm over it because i don't know how to deal with it... but i still slum around the concerts, ending up at the bars to listen to the music with my company contained in a glass.


it's time for me to grow up and stop pretending i'm not who i've always been.
i'm working on it, though.
i think everyone is.


but we talked late.
actually, we talked a lot longer.
i should've gone home.
maybe i shouldn't have.
i don't know.
the moon was begging the question: what happens next? the moon, the rooftops, the streets with all the damn potholes collecting puddles just so i can see the city reflecting back... all of it was begging me to stay. just to make a decision with my life.