david played and it pleased the lord

but you don't really care for music, do you?

why does 'relationship' automatically mean 'romantic'? i have this absofuckinglutely insane relationship with the world. i treat every song as though i'm in a relationship with it. i am particular about the people i keep close to myself, and treat each relationship as a personal experience. i recognize that each person and every thing i come in contact with throughout the day is in a relationship with me, and while i am a hopeless romantic, i am not in love with every person i meet. maybe it's because i'm such a hopeless romantic that i am able to see that relationship does not equal romance.

i crave conversation most of the time, but end up being too caught up in the tones i catch in other people's voices and in my own reactions that more often that not i don't have enough time to respond.
hopeless
and romantically engaged with the evolution of thought.

as far as people go, i've always had more male friends than female, and it's a recent phenomenon in my life that i have more girlfriends than guyfriends. i do, however, have a particular guy friend who i've always absolutely adored. he's smart, funny, and a little sarcastic. i've always felt just fine letting my poor-natured jokes slip into conversation without them being taken offensively.

but it always seems to hit that point (or at least more often than not) where the male friend discovers i have a significant other (i'm terrified of being alone, but that's for another time), and all of a sudden things are uncomfortable. this, of course, has recently happened with aforementioned particular guy friend.

why didn't you say anything? it never came up
but why have i never heard about him? you have.
but why didn't you make a big deal about it? oh. loaded question, my friend. you, obviously, have never had problems with stalkers, have you?
no seriously? the friendship here is me and you, not meyouhim.


and there i am, over thinking everything again.

but i can't help but feel like the friendship (relationship with this guy friend) changed, since there's no current possibility of a romantic relationship. was my 'date-ability' my most prominent value? because if it did.... it won't really change how i act, but i can't help but wonder every now and then.

back to homework.